Oh Little Brother How I Love Thee
by Natsminime
Summary: Set after Cold Days. Thomas discovers Harry has returned and handles it in his own way. Warning - a tiny bit of sexual writing. There's a character I wrote in who belongs to me. I tried to follow the books as best I could. Any errors are mine and I apologize for them ahead of time. Jim Butcher owns Harry This was written for my good friend, Sonya, for her birthday! Hope you enjoy!


I'd heard he was back through the many connections I had and conversations I overheard. I didn't want to believe it; couldn't believe it. Believing meant hoping and that meant feelings I didn't want to experience. Not now. Not when I'd just come to terms with him being gone. There was no way he could be back. He was dead. No one came back from the dead. Not even my wizard half-brother, Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden.

A week had gone by since I first heard the news and whispers that he was back. No one talked about it with me directly. I guess they were afraid of what my reaction would be. I went through my days ignoring the news of his return and everyone's stares. I pretended everything was normal.

It worked well enough until I saw him with my very own eyes. I literally did a double take and rubbed them because I was so shocked and couldn't believe it. It was true. Somehow, someway he'd returned from the dead as I suppose only he could. There was no mistaking that it was him: his height, messy dark hair, long pants, dark shirt, long leather coat as well as the long legged gait that could only belong to him and no one else.

He was entering his favorite pub which belonged to the bartender named Mac.

I was standing across the street so thankfully he didn't see me. If he had, I'm not sure what I would have done.

I watched him walk down the few stairs that led to the pub's door and disappear inside while my head was spinning. I could not believe it. Seeing him again – alive and healthy – was too much to bear. It opened up a world of pain. Yes, I was happy to have him back but it didn't erase or fix all the turmoil I was in while he was dead.

All these emotions were too much for me to handle. I needed escape. I fled and went back to my apartment where I called a "friend" of mine and asked her to come over. She said she was on her way.

Ten minutes later there was a knock at my door. I opened it and let my "friend" Amanda in.

"Sex with me was that good, huh?" Amanda greeted me.

I closed the door and locked it behind her flashing my million-watt smile.

That's what I like about her. She's honest, kind, sexy, get's straight to the point, and knows me for what I am – A vampire who feeds off of touch and sex with others.

Amanda was ideal for me in both personality and body. She's an inch shorter than I, has gingery colored red hair, brilliant leaf green eyes, a few freckles, high cheek bones, a cute little button nose, and full pink lips. She has long legs, is thin but not anorexic thin, B-sized breasts, and a nice sized round butt.

She didn't give me a chance to respond before she closed the short distance between us and pressed her lips to mine. I hesitated a moment before returning the kiss. I lost control shortly after our lips met and crushed my lips to hers passionately and not too forcefully. She parted her lips before I asked for entrance and my tongue was immediately in her mouth. Everything fell away from me. I was lost in sensation, only aware of my body and hers.

I knew this was dangerous – that letting my vampire side take over could lead to disaster but I didn't care. I needed release from my human feelings and this was the only way I could think to get it.

We spent hours together a tangled mess of limbs in my bed. Finally I forced myself to stop. If I continued to feed off of her and this pleasure I'd end up killing her and that would benefit no one.

As the days passed I became obsessed with my brother. I took to watching him nearly 24-7. I was always careful, never letting him see me. As I watched I thought about everything from the time we first met at Bianca's party to my telling Harry that we were brothers. The bond that had developed had been inevitable in my opinion. Blood was thicker than water.

Maybe it had all been a mistake; letting Harry into my life. Before Harry my life wasn't exactly better, but it wasn't as complicated.

That's it I decided I'd start over in a way. I knew Harry was back but it had been four weeks since I first laid eyes on my little brother and we still haven't spoken. Harry knows where I live so maybe he feels the same as I do – that we are better off not knowing each other and not speaking.

I tried. I really did. I'm unable to stop following my brother around. I have managed to start doing it less frequently. It went from every day monitoring to every other day to twice a week. A few times I thought Harry had seen me for sure but by some stroke of luck Harry never saw me.

It all changed one night when I stepped into my apartment and closed the door behind me. Nothing felt off to me at all. In fact I assumed I was alone. Until a voice coming from the corner behind me said, "what are you doing?" I froze. My palms began to sweat in nervousness. That voice. I knew it as well as I knew my own. It haunts my sleep and my waking thoughts. I stood there in the middle of my living room, frozen, unable to move or breathe at all while my mind races a mile a minute trying to figure out what to do. Behind me Harry was patient (which is unlike him) waiting for a response to his question.

Finally I calmed down enough to reply.

In a calm, controlled voice I answered, "I'm the one that should be asking you that. You are in _my _apartment after all."

What Harry said next really surprised him.

"I know you've been following me since the day you saw me enter Mac's pub. I know this must be a big shock. The day after you saw me I'd intended to go talk to you and explain and see if we could pick up where we'd left off but I decided to give you space and time to adjust. Let you come to me on your own time. I didn't think it would take so long. Lately you've been stalking me less and less and I can't figure out why. I need answers, please, talk to me, Thomas."

Hearing Harry's voice again was like a cool wave gently washing over me – soothing. It felt great to hear it again and not just in my head. It made me feel alive. All my inner wounds caused by his death healed themselves. I couldn't do it; couldn't keep my calm but at this point I didn't care. I was trapped, caught and was tired of hiding. I turned around to face Harry and drank in the sight of him. Exactly the same as I remember; better looking actually. No one would think this man had been dead.

Harry was patient with me, even gave me a small smile. That's what did it – that familiar smile was my undoing. I rushed to Harry and grabbed him in a huge hug. I felt a million times better when I felt Harry wrap his arms around me in return and squeeze as hard as he could. Which was nothing compared to how I was hugging him – with my super strength I crushed him. It wasn't life threatening. I could have stayed like that forever, but I heard Harry gasp, "T-Thomas. I c-can't b-b-breathe." I released him.

"Missed you too" Harry said to him.

"Sit, please" I offered and walked to one of my couches and sat as Harry sat on the other across from me.

"What were you doing following me around?" Harry asked him.

"Keeping tabs on you myself, making sure you were okay. I don't want to lose you again. I can't stand that pain. Losing you left an aching hole inside of me."

He watched Harry's face crease in concern.

"Why didn't you talk to me?" He wanted to know.

"I couldn't. I'd heard you were back before I saw you but I refused to believe it until I saw you. Then I became obsessed with your well-being and followed you while my mind replayed every scene with you since we first met to when I discovered you were gone. I decided something" I couldn't say more and Harry waited. Finally Harry prompted me gently. "What did you decide?" Harry asked.

"To distance myself from you, I thought I was better off to not know you anymore. I wrongly thought you felt the same because you never came to speak to me."

Harry's face turned sad.

"Do you understand now what I did?" Harry asked.

"Yes" I answered him.

"Do you still want to not know me anymore?"

I couldn't answer. The words were stuck in my throat.

"Thomas?"

"I love you Harry" I blurted and hid my face in shame, embarrassed.

"I love you too" Harry said. It didn't sound the same. I looked up at him and by the look on his face I could tell he'd misunderstood me. He loved me like a brother but I love him as more.

"No Harry" I started and Harry seemed confused.

"I love you and not like a brother. I'm in love with you Harry" at that moment I was so grateful I couldn't blush.

So many emotions flickered across his face: confusion, denial, hurt, weariness and a few others I can't name until he got control and set it to a neutral mask. I hated that the most.

"I'm sorry Thomas but I don't feel the same. I love you like a brother and nothing more. I'm straight."

I looked down at my skin tight leather clad knees and hid my face behind my hair. I heard Harry sigh and get up. He walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I fought the urge to shake it off.

"I'll see you around" Harry said before walking out the door and closing it without a sound.

My apartment had never felt so huge, empty and quiet.

That was the last I'd see Harry. He sent me birthday and Christmas gifts and holiday cards but that was all.


End file.
